After months and months away I am finally back! And with me I bring to you reviewishness for the season premiere of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. w00t!
SPOILERS FOR BUFFY SEASON 7 PREMIERE: "LESSONS"
This is it, people, the return of old-school creepy/drama/comedy/thriller/action Buffy! Hellz yeah! I can so not even begin to describe what was going on.. I mean, I was agast the whole hour. I think I almost had a coronary at the end. Holy crap.
The episode opens up with a really weird sequence with guys in cloaks running after a girl and killing her. After that, we go directly to a cemetery where Buffy is teaching Dawn the finer points of slaying. A bit of comedy is involved and of course there is the requisite bit of ass-kicking.
SciFi 1701D: what is with this running?
EyE2eYe18: nike commercial
OzW 703: interesting way to start a season
SciFi 1701D: Where is the chicken?
EyE2eYe18: they're wearing kikes, she was wearing reebok
And, boom! Back to the old Sunnydale High! Well, the new Sunnydale High, with construction being supervised by none other than our very own Xander Harris. Xander looks spiffy in a suit. I'm glad he has a nice, steady job, even if it is rebuilding the high school and putting the principal's office right above the Hellmouth (where the old library used to be). "Safe as houses" Xander says... hah! Famous last words.
Whee! England! Giles on horseback with a duster! Too keen ^_^ I'm really glad Willow is.. well, more Willow and not scary Dark!Willow. "Everything's connected." So very Witchblade. LOL Well, okay, not just Witchblade, but whatever. I can't wait to see more of England, but it looks like Giles & Willow are going to be heading back to Sunnydale to stop the Hellmouth from opening.
I find it slightly amusing that everyone thought Buffy was the mom. "I have mom hair!" She's not old enough to be a mom. Heh. But a good mom. Because she got Dawnie a cell phone in case of emergencies. I want to know how she had the credit to pay for that. *snerk* Sidenote: I like the new Principal. He's cool. I'm sorry that his office is above the Hellmouth. That's gonna be a bitch.
Manifestations. Faboo!! Buffy stops in the bathroom and sees a scary zombie chick. More manifestions later, just two other guys, actually. They blame Buffy for not saving them before they got killed. This was a really good plotline, I think. Very monster-of-the-week like old school Buffy, which I very much enjoyed. I was on the edge of my seat the entire hour, seriously.
Sidenote 2: Anya has no friends and she's light-weight vengeance demon. Which.. I dunno, is good for the guys, but I don't think the lower demons will want her around for much longer.
*gah*drool* James! I really thought Dawnie and her new pals were going to be behind that door, but shite! Spike! Angsty, guilt-ridden, suffering Spike! Messy Bed-head Spike! But he's definitely on the looney side, a la Dru. But, hell, this is a vast improvement over season 6 with Buffy-wiped Spike and he's more interesting than Angel when he got his soul back.
Xander to the rescue!
New stuff: Kit and Carlos - future Scoobies? Buffy has a real job! Finally. Motorola cellphones. Meh. Buffy's doing a lot of spin-kicks. And, omg, Xander has an awesome car!
Unanswered: Who placed the talisman? And how did Spike get into the basement?
The last scene. Oh. My. Gods. That final scene. With Spike and his numerous hallucinations. Hallucinations of all the past villians! There are just no words. Well, actually, there are:
OzW 703: duuuuuuude
SciFi 1701D: what the fuuuu?
SciFi 1701D: WARREN!!!!
EyE2eYe18: FUCK HIM
SciFi 1701D: GLORY!
OzW 703: duuuuuuuuuuude!!!!
SciFi 1701D: OMG!!
OzW 703: !!!!1
SciFi 1701D: ADAM!!
OzW 703: adam!!
OzW 703: wtf?!?!?!
SciFi 1701D: OMG!!!
EyE2eYe18: stop that shit!
SciFi 1701D: this rocks!!!
EyE2eYe18: make it stop scifi
OzW 703: the frell?!
SciFi 1701D: the MAYOR!
SciFi 1701D: OMG!!
EyE2eYe18: i like being confused
SciFi 1701D: this is so hot!!
EyE2eYe18: maybe it's all in his head
OzW 703: DRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SciFi 1701D: DRUUUUU!!!
EyE2eYe18: sexy bitch
SciFi 1701D: omg!!
SciFi 1701D: this is freakin' awesome!
SciFi 1701D: the MASTER!
OzW 703: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OzW 703: this is so cool!
SciFi 1701D: holy shit!!
OzW 703: i missed all these ppl!
EyE2eYe18: me too
SciFi 1701D: I can only guess he is hallucinating
EyE2eYe18: yeah...but i'm waiting
OzW 703: probably
SciFi 1701D: GAH!!!!!!!
SciFi 1701D: Is it next Tuesday yet?!?!??!
OzW 703: that was fuhhhhh
SciFi 1701D: *dies*
EyE2eYe18: i remember snyder, he was short
Buffy: Who's got the power, Dawn?
Dawn: Well.. I've got the stake.
Buffy: The stake is not the power.
Dawn: But, he's new - he doesn't know his strength. He might not know those fancy martial arts skills they inevitably seem to pick up.
Buffy: [not impressed] Who's got the power?
Dawn: [sighs] He does.
Buffy: Never forget it. It doesn't matter how well prepped you are or how well armed you are, you're a little girl.
Buffy: Little woman.
Dawn: I'm taller than you!
Vampire: Excuse me, I think I'm stuck.
Buffy: You're stuck?
Vampire: My foot's caught on a root or something. I don't even know how I got down here. If you girls could give me a hand or something.
Dawn: Plus, I had a plan the whole time.
Dawn: Yeah, I planned to get killed, come back as a vampire, and bite you.
Willow: Isn't there anything you don't know everything about?
Giles: Synchronized swimming. It's a complete mystery to me.
"I want to be Willow." - Willow
"In the end we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed." - Giles
"Peachy, with a side of keen, that would be me." - Buffy
"The last two Principals were eaten. Who would even apply for that job?" - Xander
Well, I'd better get back to work. It's time to start deadening young minds." - Principal Wood
Anya: What is this an intervention? Shouldn't all my demon friends be here?
Halfrek: Sweety. They are.
"Lesson 1: It's always real." - Dawn
"If at first you don't succeed.. cheat." - Buffy
Spike: Buffy. Duck.
Buffy: What? Duck? There's a duck?
"Whoa. Contract-y goodness!" - Xander
Spike: I had a speech. I learned it all. Oh god, she won't understand. She won't understand.
Warren: Of course she won't understand, Sparky. I'm beyond her understanding. She's a girl! Sugar and spice and everything... useless unless you're baking. I'm more than that. More than flesh--
Glory: More than blood. I am--you know I honestly don't think there's a human word fabulous enough for me! Oh, my name will be on everyone's lips. Assuming their lips haven't been torn off. Not just yet. That's all right, though--
Adam: I can be patient. Everything is well within parameters. She's exactly where I want her to be. So are you, Number 17. You're right where you belong.
Mayor: So what'd you think, you'd get your soul back and eveything would be jim dandy? A soul's slipperier than a greased weasel. Why do you think I sold mine? Well, you probably thought that you'd be your own man, and I respect that, but you never will--
Dru: You'll always be mine. You'll always be in the dark with me, singing our little songs. You like our little songs, don't you? You've always liked them, right from the beginning. And that's where we're going--
The Master: Right back to the beginning. Not the Bang, not the Word, the true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride and I think we're all going to learn something about ourselves in the process. You'll learn you're a pathetic schmuck, if it hasn't sunk in already. Look at you, trying to do what's right, just like her. You still don't get it. It's not about right. It's not about wrong.
Buffy: It's about power.
Next week: "Beneath You" - Buffy's new job as a guidance counselor.
END SPOILERS FOR BUFFY SEASON 7 PREMIERE: "LESSONS"